Broken
by Chrysalliss
Summary: Set at some point in season 4. No real relevence to the season but Andy and Sam have split up and Marlo is in the picture. Have Sam and Andy run out of time to find their way to each other?
1. Chapter 1

**Having not written anything in years I recently got back into writing thanks to my burning desire to write New Girl Fan Fiction.. Then on the summer break I discovered Rookie Blue and I am now literally obsessed with the show! I'm nervous about sharing my writing but this particular story is stuck in my brain and is screaming to be put down on paper so here it is.. I had planned this as a One Shot but as I am short on time working full time I thought I'd try to do a little and often, so hopefully I'll have regular but short chapters till I feel the conclusion! Reviews welcome!**

**Usual disclaimer - I (sadly!) don't own Rookie Blue or any of the characters.**

Oliver paced back and forth in front of Courtroom 4. He pulled his cell phone from his pocket and checked for messages. Still nothing. He looked at his watch, another 40 minutes had passed. He said a silent prayer and hoped that no news was good news. He stopped his pacing and went to the window and stared out.

Just at that moment the doors to the courtroom opened and Detective Sam Swarek came striding out.

"Hey Buddy, didn't expect to see you up here. Door to door service huh? I thought Id have to ring for a ride..." His voice trailed off as Oliver turned around and Sam saw the look on his face.

"What? What's happened?" Sam realised immediately this wasn't the informal pick up he'd asked his friend to make earlier when he'd dropped his truck at the mechanics. As he had to get to court and give evidence, he'd bribed Shaw with the promise of lunch if he'd pick him up outside the court building after the case and drop him back at the garage.

"It's Andy. She's been hurt."

Sam's heart started hammering in his chest. "How bad is it?"

Oliver looked up and what Sam saw in his eyes was enough to stop his heart dead.

"It's bad Sammy. Looks real bad."

The color drained from Sam's face and Oliver knew he'd been right to come and let Sam hear the news from him. Andy and Sam might not be together, but he had known Sammy long enough to know his friend was still very much in love with McNally. Sam was just too stubborn to admit it to himself, let alone anyone else. As soon as Sam heard about the shooting he'd want to be at the hospital. That or chasing after the bastard that did this. Either way he'd want to be doing something and being by himself would make him wreckless. Hearing the news on the radio when he switched it on outside the court shouldn't be how he found out, Oliver and Frank had been right, waiting here for Sam was the safest move right now, even if Oliver could think of nothing worse than what he was about to tell him.

Sam might have been doing a decent enough job of making the rest of the world believe he'd moved on and was settled with Marlo, but Oliver had seen the way Sam was blown away by the Rookie from literally the week they'd met and had seen their growing friendship become a deep love and undeniable bond. That wasn't just going to go away. Oliver knew soul mates when he saw them. He'd always figured that was why they split up actually. He knew this was the first time that Sam had ever needed someone. To be in a position where he felt the need to put someone before every single other thing in his life wasn't something that came naturally to Sam and yet with Andy he couldn't help it, it was beyond his control. And being out of control wasn't something Sam could handle. Lost in the grief of losing his best friend, running away wasn't the easiest option, but it was just Sam trying to make sense of what his life had become. Andy and Sam might both have tried to move forward with their lives but Oliver was convinced it was only a matter of time before their timing came back round and both would be ready to face how much they meant to each other.

But as Sam started yelling at him about what the hell happened, Oliver's mind flashed back to the image of McNally lying broken and disjointed in the street, Epstein kneeling at her side frantically trying to stem the bleeding from a bullet wound to her neck. If being shot hadn't threatened Andy's life enough, the fall she'd taken from the fire exit as the impact of the blast knocked her off her feet just made the odds seem even worse. If their timing had always been off, now Oliver really worried that actually, time had run out.


	2. Chapter 2

"Where is she? What happened? When?" The questions still came even as Sam was sprinting for the elevator, Oliver keeping pace with him but not able to answer while running. The doors opened as they approached, Sam pushing through the crowd of people coming out, then hammering at the button for the first floor, frustrated at the length of time the doors were taking to slide closed.

Oliver took a second to catch his breath, then shared what little he knew.

"Nobody seems to know much, she was partnered with Epstein today, they answered a call about a missing boy. Epstein said the boys mother gave them addresses where the boys father might be in case he was with his Dad. They were at a warehouse over by the docks, last known work place of the.."

Oliver didn't get a chance to finish because Sam started yelling again

"Just get to the McNally part Oliver! What the hell happened? I need to know right now!"

The lift doors slid open and Sam went to get out but Oliver put an arm out to stop him.

"I don't know how or why Sam, but she was shot. She was on a fire escape, shots were fired and she got hit. Its one shot, through the neck. Epstein was on the ground, he saw her stagger and then she fell. Must have been 2 stories at least." Oliver looked down at the ground of the elevator, unable to look him in the eye as Sam slid down the wall to a crouch, his hands running through his hair while he struggled to hold his composure.

"Is she..?" he asked in a choked voice.

"She's alive Sam, or at least she was the last time I spoke to Nash. She was taken to General. Epstein called for backup, Nick and I were there within minutes, Epstein did all the right things, pressure on the wound, we gave her the best chance we could. The medics were there right after us. They took her and I came straight here. Thats all I know. Come on buddy." he reached out and gave Sam his hand and he pulled himself to his feet. Sam shook his head as if to clear it and they hurried out to the car.

Minutes later they pulled in to the front of the hospital, not bothering with the parking lot. Sam was next to frantic at this point, having rung just about everyone he could think of in 15th on the way over, nobody picking up. Hell, he'd even tried Callahan. Ollie kept on saying 'No news is good news' till he wanted to smack him across the face.

He knew none of this was Oliver's fault but the thought of lashing out at anything felt good right then.

Oliver seemed to be trying to convince himself as much as Sam when he moved on to saying that the law of averages dictated Andy was going to be just fine. They'd lost Jerry not even a year before so fate couldn't give them another loss so soon.

At that point Sam really did lose his temper and shouted at Oliver to just please shut the hell up and drive.

In the silence that followed thoughts of Andy came flooding through his mind. Memories he'd tried to keep locked up in the darkest part of his brain for the last few months. Try as he had not to think of Andy as anything more than a great friend, or just another ex, she'd kept popping into his brain at the strangest moments.

He'd be in the shower when images of her wrapped in a towel popped into his brain, or he'd be at the store and his hand would automatically go to pick up some orange juice alongside his choice of grapefruit. It had taken weeks after she went undercover for that particular habit to stop.

He was ashamed to admit it, being a pretty decent guy after all, but she even kept coming into his brain when he was alone with Marlo. Sex with Marlo was ok, good even. And Sam had been with plenty of women before McNally so he was no slouch in bed himself, but him and Andy? That had been a whole different level.

He'd started to suspect he'd never have sex like that ever again, but the thought that came to mind every time he kissed Marlo wasn't just the sex, but how he felt when his lips touched Andy's.

They had this little thing that was just theirs, he couldn't quite remember how it started, but Andy would rub his nose with hers just before their lips met. It drove him crazy with the intimacy of it. When she rubbed her nose against his like that, he almost felt he was touching her soul.

As he thought about that, other unwanted thoughts came into his brain too, like the way Andy had looked when she saw him kiss Marlo in the break room just after she came back from UC.

He closed his eyes and put his head back against the rest. He breathed deeply, every part of his body willing Andy to still be breathing. He didn't know where he was meant to go from here, right now though, he'd just settle for knowing she was ok, that he still had time to work out what was right.

As soon as Oliver and Sam rushed through the doors they saw the huddle of people in a waiting room just off the main hallway. As soon as Sam opened the door he started to scan the faces of everyone in the room, searching for evidence either good or bad of any news. Frank was quick to put him out of his misery.

"She's still fighting Sam. She's with still with us and we need to take that as a good sign." He reached Sam and put a hand on his shoulder. He looked Sam in the eyes, he wanted to tell him everything, never being one to shy away from facts.

"They're stabilizing her before surgery. Traci is with her for now. She's lost a lot of blood, the bullet moved down from her neck and is deep in her shoulder. There's some broken bones from her fall, but that's all fixable. The real issue is the swelling in her skull from where she hit her head as she landed. She's not regained consciousness since she fell so how much damage is done is impossible to tell. They need to operate as soon as they can to put a drain in to take pressure off her brain. It could go either way Sam."

Something in Sam's brain just exploded and he couldn't control his emotions any longer. He lunged away from Frank and before anyone could stop him he had Epstein up against the wall, both hands pinning the younger Rookie to the wall by his shoulders.

"What the hell were you thinking? Why was your partner 2 stories up on a fire exit with shots being fired and you were still down on the ground?! Did you even have your gun out? If anything happens to Andy I swear I'll..."

Frank and Oliver moved to pull him away but he'd run out of energy to keep fighting. He sank down into a chair, head in his hands.

Epstein tried to fill in the rest of the story. "I don't know what happened. We went into the warehouse. The father was there, he hadn't seen his son. We were asking him where he thought his son might have gone and Andy was looking around. The call came in to stand down as the boy had been found, he was at a playground. I turned round to find Andy, I couldn't see her, I went outside to the car, I saw her chasing a man, I yelled at her to wait, she went up the fire exit..."

"Why the hell didn't you stop her?!" Sam reared out of his chair again, but this time it was Peck who got between Sam and Dov.

"Hey" she yelled at him. "Since when was anyone able to stop McNally from doing exactly what she thought she should do Sam? Even you couldn't stop her and you know it. Andy does what her heart tells her to do. She acts first and deals with the consequences later. Isn't that one of the things you love her for? Don't for a minute go blaming Dov. She could have been partnered with you, me, anyone one of us today and not a single one could have done anything different. So back off."

"Peck's right" Frank added. "From what Epstein's said it was over in seconds and he did everything right. He got her help, he stopped the bleeding as best he could, he bought enough time to get her here and give her a fighting chance."

Sam sank back into the chair and took some deep breaths. They were right. Blaming Dov wasn't going to help. He looked around at everyone gathered there waiting. In the corner of the room he noticed Callahan, who was on the phone. Peck had gone to stand next to Dov, he noticed that Dov's hands were covered in dried blood. Andy's blood. He couldn't look at that for a second longer.

Only then did he spot Marlo, sitting quietly in a chair alone in an opposite corner. She almost looked like an outsider. Thinking about it, he supposed she was. She didn't have the history yet with 15th to feel this worry as emotionally as the rest of them. She had no connection with Andy at all in fact, not really. They'd barely been partnered more than once.

He met her eyes, the guilt at feeling so much over a woman that was not his girlfriend overwhelmed him slightly, if it was possible for him to feel any worse that is.

No words needed to be spoken, but he knew that Marlo was able to see the love and concern he had for Andy written all over his face. His reactions weren't just those of a worried friend, there was no fooling Marlo on that score. Dealing with that situation registered on his mental 'to-do' list, but that was hardly his priority right now.

The room had lapsed into an uneasy silence when the door opened again and Tracy walked in. Sam stood up and everyone looked at Traci, waiting to hear news.


	3. Chapter 3

Sam was struck by a sense of almost déjà-vu. This same group of friends had been gathered in the lobby just outside, waiting for news of Jerry less than 10 months previously.

They'd got the confirmation they'd feared just minutes before Traci walked in. That night, McNally had been the one that had to tell Traci her life was changed forever. The irony that Traci might be about the tell him the same terrible news wasn't lost on him.

"We need to get Tommy here right now." was the first thing she said.

Frank replied "I sent Nick to go and break the news to him and to bring him here as soon as I knew this was serious, they should be here soon. What's her condition?"

"They've stopped the bleeding from her neck. Her heart stopped twice but they got her back."

The words hit Sam like a blow to his stomach. Somehow hearing Andy had technically died twice made the situation real to him finally. He focused intently on everything else Tracy was saying.

"The pressure in her skull is building by the minute, that's the real danger now. There's likely damage to the brain already but no way of saying how much yet as they've sedated her. They're doing a blood transfusion right now to try to bring her blood pressure up before she goes to surgery. That gives her the best chance to get through this.." Tears welled in her eyes as she finished up "But the Doctor said we need to know her odds are slim at this point. They say to get Tommy here to see her before she goes up to the OR, while she's still.. I mean, in case.."

While Sam was still taking all this in Callahan spoke

"How long till we can get the bullet?"

Everyone turned to look at him and he must have registered the anger in their expressions.

"Come on guys. We're Coppers. We all of us want Andy through this, me just as much as all of you. But we catch the bad guys. It's what we do. McNally knows that as much as any of us. There's a man out there right now with a gun. He thought nothing of shooting a female officer, in uniform, in full daylight. So what else is he capable of? We don't know who he is, where he is, why this happened. Nothing. Right now that bullet is the only lead we got. For Andy, for Tommy, we need to be out there chasing this son of a bitch down. And I need that bullet. The sooner it gets to the lab, if we get a hit from it to any other known cases it gives us somewhere to start looking. I've been talking to the guys back at the scene. So far we've got nothing."

The copper in all of them knew he was right, his timing might be a little off, but he was right.

Silence again. Traci turned to leave the room and Sam slipped out the door right behind her.

" You think I can see her?"

"I doubt it Sam. They're prepping her for surgery. They said I couldn't go back in, just that Tommy could spend a few minutes with her if he gets here before she goes up."

"Can't hurt to try, right?" He gave Tracy that quirky smile of his, the one she knew from past experience was his 'smiling through the pain' smile.

Tracy knew how much a moment with Andy would mean to Sam if the worst did happen. A huge regret of her own was that Jerry had gone without her getting to even say goodbye. So much left unsaid.

"No harm in trying, no." she agreed and pointed down the corridor. "She's in a trauma room down there. I'll show you."

A short walk down the corridor and Traci gently knocked on the closed door. She put her head around the door and Sam heard gentle murmuring. He briefly wondered how Nash was describing his relation to Andy, why he needed to see her. But then realized he didn't care. Tracy could tell them he was Father Christmas come to visit if it got him through the door.

After a moment, Traci reached back, took Sams hand and pulled him through the doorway with her. They stopped just inside the room, some distance from the bed and the machines surrounding Andy, drug lines and tubes of blood snaking their way into her.

Sam gripped Traci's hand harder, getting strength from their mutual love for Andy and they watched while a nurse softly cut strands of Andy's hair away from one side of her head, before taking clippers and shaving away what remained. Sam could do nothing but stare. Andy was paler than Sam had ever seen her. Or at least what little he could see. A gown covered her and most of her face was hidden behind tubes. A huge gauze pad covered her neck, keeping the wound hidden from view, although evidence of the blood that had poured from her was everywhere. Her uniform shirt, dark with blood lay on a table at the side of the bed, a white vest top she must have had on underneath stained red beside it, both ripped open and torn off as the Doctors fought to save her life.

The nurse finished her work quietly and then faced them.

"She's all ready, you can have a few minutes alone, then we'll need to take her."

She bundled up everything from the table, Andys clothes and medical stuff that had been left, and then quietly closed the door behind her.

Traci let go of Sam's hand. "Here's your moment" she said, and left the room too.

Sam wasn't the kind of man to share his feelings even under the best of circumstances and as he stood there he knew there were a million things he wanted to say to her, but he didn't know how to. Or even where to start. Plus, talking out loud just felt daft when he didn't even know if she could hear him. The desire to see her had overwhelmed him, but the desire had been just that, to see her. He'd not thought about what to say.

He feel back on a tried and tested method, his Swarek branded mix of sarcasm and humour.

"Wow McNally. You sure know how to get my attention huh? Could you not have arranged something a little less, uh, dramatic?!"

Even though he'd not expected a response, the sight of Andy just lying there, her heart monitor and breathing not showing any sign of reaction brought a lump to his throat. Now he'd opened his mouth, it became easier. He moved from the wall he'd been leaning against, crossed to the bed and crouched down by Andy's face. He very gently picked up her hand and linked his fingers through hers. He slowly stroked her hand with his thumb.

"You're beautiful McNally, you know that? I don't think Ive ever told you. I've told you you're a great cop. I remember telling you I love your optimism. I'm sure I've told you I trust you with my life, but I've never told you that you're beautiful. I should have."

His other hand brushed what was left of her hair away from her eyes and he leaned forward and gently kissed her forehead.

"Andy. Listen to me. I'm sorry. You remember asking me to promise I'd not just give up on us? I told you that you'd not get rid of me without a fight. But I broke that promise didn't I. It got too hard and I just gave up. But you're stronger than me. You're better than me. And right now McNally, its your turn to promise you're not going to give up on us. Fight Andy. You fight through this. Fight. Stay with me. You hear me McNally? Don't you dare give up on us." Sam looked down at their intwined hands. Still not even the slightest movement to show him she was still there.

Just then the door opened and a Doctor walked in, followed to Sam's suprise by both Tommy and Claire McNally. Tragedy really has a way of bringing people together he realized. Andy's Father had sworn that hell would freeze over before he'd be in the same building as Andy's Mother again, never mind the same room. It looked like they were in hell though, the look on their faces. Time to leave them to see their daughter.

Sam kissed Andy on the cheek, gently rested her hand back on the bed and left the room, pausing briefly to squeeze Tommy on the shoulder. Sam was shocked at how frail the old man looked, clearly the sight of his whole world lying unresponsive in a hospital bed was crushing him.

Just outside the room he saw Monica, his old casual girlfriend, with her white coat on she was clearly on duty herself.

"Sam. I'm so sorry. I know how much you care about her." She pulled him into an awkward hug.

"I spoke to the surgeons. I figured you'd like some information if I could get it. Two surgeons are going to operate. They want to work as fast as possible to minimize the potential damage. A neurosurgeon will do all he can, relieving the pressure is the absolute priority. A senior resident will clean the neck wound, retrieve the bullet, and save as much of the shoulder muscles as he can. They'll need to pin the bones in her shoulder and elbow too, look at some other fractures, then she'll go to ICU. She'll be in theater for at least 6 hours, it's delicate work. You need to be patient. But we got our best people on this Sam. Trust us."

Strangely, hearing this somehow soothed Sam. Knowing what they were fighting against brought him back in control. He was grateful. "Thanks Monica" he said, rubbing his forehead.

Back down the hall,Sam tried to convince Traci to go home, for now at least. Traci wanted to be here when Andy woke up, or if there was a sudden change. But Sam convinced her he'd let her know the slightest news. If she went home now, she could spend some precious time with Leo, be there for his dinner, bath and bedtime. As soon as Andy was out of surgery he promised to let her know and she could come back. She reluctantly agreed with him.

For Sam though, there was no way he was leaving this hospital till he knew Andy was going to be ok. He'd left her when she'd needed him too often already. It might sound stupid out loud, so he kept the thought very much to himself, but he had told her to promise to fight for them and he almost wanted her to be able to feel him here, waiting for her.

Leaving simply wasn't an option.

He quietly told Frank all he knew and that he was staying. Frank knew better than to argue with him. Also knowing that the only thing that would make the time spent waiting any easier for any of his team, he walked over to Callahan and began co-ordinating with him over what everyone could best do to help with the investigation.

Soon everyone paired off and headed to the door to get on with what they did best.

Sam took a brief look for Marlo, enough to register she was no longer around. His earlier feeling of guilt returned. Marlo was a great woman and deserved more than Sam was able to give. Now that the previously unspoken issue in their relationship had been forced into the open, it was time to be the man he needed to be. To stop trying to fit Marlo into the Andy shaped hole in his heart.

As soon as he knew Andy was alright he'd find Marlo and put an end to things. But that would have to wait because for the next few hours at least, Sam Swarek wasn't going any further from McNally than right there where he sat.


	4. Chapter 4

He might have intended to not move from his chair, but in the end Sam was just too full of nervous energy to sit and wait. He went back to pacing.

After about 15 minutes, Andy's parents came back to the waiting room. They had no news, just that she had been taken up to Surgery.

Sam suddenly felt really responsible for Tommy in particular, as if he felt he had to take on Andy's role of worrying about her father as she wasn't able to worry herself just now. Even after Sam and Andy were no longer a couple, Sam had felt a need to keep an eye on Tommy. He didn't think Andy knew as she'd never mentioned it to him, but while she was on Project Dakota, Sam had dropped in on Tommy a few times, they'd shared a meal once or twice too. Now Sam worried that left alone to wait for news of his daughter, Tommy might be tempted to find solace in a bottle.

Sam suggested they all wait together for news, but Tommy didn't want to be at the hospital. Sam guessed it was all the memories from his days on the job. For a cop, hospitals tended to be places of bad news.

Claire spoke up and said that she would appreciate some company while waiting and as she and Tommy were the only ones who could understand how each other felt, why didn't they wait at her place? The depth of Tommy's worry showed through when he agreed straight away without so much as a grumble, missing the opportunity to point out he cared for Andy for years without Claire completely.

Sam walked out with them and got them into a cab. Knowing he was in for a long night, he headed to the cafeteria to get some coffee. He'd assumed he was alone then, so was surprised to see Collins sitting at a table.

"Hey." Sam greeted him. "Not back out there?"

"I'm waiting for Dov. He's with Callahan giving a statement. He really doesn't think he saw anything useful, but Luke needs everything he can at the moment, we've no leads. Almost as if this was random. The father of that kid is at the station, it seems this is unrelated to that case. We've checked into all the employees at the warehouse, everyone was in the building when the shots were fired, we still have no idea who the guy was."

Sam sat down opposite him and drank his coffee. He stared at the young rookie over the brim of his mug. Nick was looking down at his hands and tension radiated off of him too. Sam narrowed his eyes, thinking. At the back of his mind for weeks now had been a question about Nick and Andy. Sam had been undercover enough times himself to know how isolated you become, that posing in a relationship was bound to have drawn Andy and Nick close.

More than once since they'd been back at work, Sam had watched them, wondering if he was reading too much into the easy friendship the pair had. Sam had admitted to himself already that he was jealous. Not because he wondered if the pair of them might develop into something more than friends, that thought hurt like hell, but he knew he'd pushed Andy away and at some point she'd find a new man. He'd have to accept that.

What hurt him more was the playful way the two of them could work together, be around each other, the way they worked together seamlessly now, each doing what the other needed without words spoken. That was what Sam found devastating to watch.

He and Andy had been just like that and he knew he'd blown it out of the water. The only regret he had over being Andy's boyfriend was that when it was over, they couldn't go back to being friends in the same way as before.

Sam thought about asking Nick right now just what he was feeling. His heart begged him to make it clear to Collins that Andy still belonged to him and if anyone was going to be worrying about her, it would be him, but he knew that was ridiculous.

Andy didn't belong to him. He'd not just let her go, he'd pushed her away.

Saved from his own thoughts, Epstein and Callahan came back over to the table. Callahan was talking into his phone.

"Go through the files, look at the gang profiles, search for distinguishing features, look for anything to do with gambling, cards, dice, that sort of thing. We're looking for a guy with some kind of neck tattoo. Try to narrow it down."

Nick looked up at Epstein. "What's he talking about?"

"Its the only thing I remember. After Andy fell, I looked up and the guy was hanging over the fire exit looking down at us, he took a glance and then turned and ran. I only saw him for a fraction of a second, but he had some kind of tattoo on his neck. It looked like casino chips, a joker card, an ace, I don't know."

Collins reached across the table for a napkin, pulled his pen out of his shirt pocket and calmly drew a rough sketch of a pin up girl fanning herself with a pack of cards, poker chips forming the background behind her. He pointed to his neck. "Right here?" he indicated the space just behind his ears. Dov nodded.

"I know who it is."

Sam, Luke and Dov all stared at Collins.

"When we were under cover, there was a guy at one of the bars we went to. A real slime ball. He took a shine to Andy. Kept trying to pull moves on her, bought her drinks while she was waiting for me to show up, all that kind of stuff. His name was Trent. Andy took an instant dislike to him. Said he gave her the creeps. Something about him was off. One night he showed up at the appartment we were living in, Andy opened the door to him and he forced his way in. He didn't know we lived together, he got a real shock when he saw me there. I kicked him out. He has a tattoo just like that."

Callahan asked "Was this guy one of the gang you were playing?"

"Nope. He was unrelated. Just one of those random things. He never knew we were cops or anything like that. It never came up. After the night he showed up at our place he kept his distance from Andy at the bar, just kept watching her. Andy mentioned to me she saw him in the street a few times too, watched her park her car, stuff like that. She wasn't scared of him really, just creeped out. Then Andy struck up a friendship with one of the bar girls, Emily her name was.

Turns out she'd been seeing this Trent guy on and off for months and he'd been knocking her around. She turned up at our place one night with a broken nose. I was out but Andy went mad. She went to the bar and caused a huge scene, told Trent if he ever laid a finger on Emily again he'd have her to answer to, told him that she'd report it to the cops. Andy was still mad about it when I got home. I told her she shouldn't have made herself stand out but she said it was ok, she'd not shown who she really was or anything.

Emily disappeared about a week after that. We never saw her at the bar, Andy was really upset and worried. When she asked the bar owner where Emily was, he said she'd left him a note saying she was leaving. I remember Andy being suspicious, but then everything started to unravel on our own case and things got hectic and a couple of weeks later we were home.

"You got more of a name for this guy than Trent?" Sam was instantly back into his detective mode.

Collins shock his head. "No, I know nothing about him at all really, other than which bars he hangs out at, that kinda stuff. Andy may have asked Blackstone to look into him, but like I said, he wasn't part of our case."

"So what?" Sam looked at Callahan, "This guy just happens to be walking by, Andy sees him, she chases him as she wants to know what happened to this Emily girl, he recognizes her, then realizes she's a cop and he shoots her? Is that how this went down?"

"I don't know. Seems too random to me." Callahan replied, "You sure?" He looked at Nick,

"All I know is Trent had a tattoo like that" He points at the napkin. But if he's the right guy, I don't know."

Callahan rubbed the back of his neck, "Its a long shot, that's for sure. But we've nothing else to do right now, not till we get that bullet at least. I'll call Blackstone, find out if Andy ever asked him to do a search on this guy. Collins, write down all the places you ever saw him, Epstein and I will go check them out. You stay here, wait for the bullet then drive it to the lab. I don't want you coming with us to check this guy out. If you're right and he's ID'd Andy, he'll know you're a copper too. He sees you now and he'll know we're on to him. And I don't want another officer down. You stay here. You hear me?"

Collins nodded and started to write a list of bars onto the bottom of the napkin.

Sam stood up and waited while Callahan called Blackstone. He hung up. "Voicemail" He said "I left a message."

Sam looked at Luke and his eyes looked almost black with anger.

"Find this guy, Luke. Get a feel for him. If you think he's our guy, I want to see him. No mistakes. Please, I need in on this."

"You know I'll get this right Swarek. Trust me, I want him as much as you do. You're not the only one who loved Andy and was stupid enough to let her go. This is personal for both of us. We'll find him."

Luke motioned to Epstein to follow him and they left. Sam looked over at Collins still sitting at the table. He wasn't in the mood for small talk, and looking at Nick only reminded him of the young Rookies bond with Andy. Sitting here wasn't going to make him feel any better at all. He grabbed another cup off coffee and went back to the waiting room, determined to wait this out alone.


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you SO MUCH for the reviews! They're what's really making me want to carry on. I got a bit lost earlier today as I had about 5 different ideas for where I wanted the story to go and with the great reviews I wanted to get it just right.. I've pulled it all together and now I'm SUPER excited about the path I've decided to go down. There is some really great stuff coming up I promise, but for now this is just a quick filler chapter. I'm back at work tomorrow so updates might slow down, but if you can be patient I promise things are about to get really interesting!**

Just after 7pm a nurse came into the room carrying a large envelope. Sam signed the page she gave him. He wasn't stupid enough to destroy the chain of evidence on a minor technicality even if he was more interested in what the nurse could tell him than the bullet he knew would be tucked in the envelope.

"How is she?" he asked.

"Everything is going as well as it can from what I heard, Detective. No set backs. I think they're probably half way through now. It can't be that much longer." She smiled kindly at him.

"Thank You."

He opened the envelope and peered inside. As he expected, the bullet was in a small plastic evidence bag. He pulled it out and stared. It was clean and pretty much like any other bullet Sam had seen countless times while working the streets. He tried not to think about where it had just come from. Nothing extraordinary about it other than the chaos it had brought to his own life. He got up and walked to the Cafeteria where he saw Collins still sat waiting.

"Here" he handed the envelope over to him, pointing out where he had to sign. "When you get to the lab, ask for Adam. Tell him exactly what case this is for. He works the night shifts, he'll make this a priority for us, ok?"

"Sure. You need anything else?"

"No. I'm just going to stay here. Call me if you hear anything." Sam replied and went back to waiting.

Somewhere around 9pm Sam must have drifted off to sleep in his chair. Strange and muddled dreams confused him and he woke up just after 11 disorientated and stiff from the angle he'd been resting at. He went into the bathroom and splashed water on his face. He knew he'd said goodbye to the McNallys at around 4.30 that afternoon, adding the hours inbetween up in his head, he figured that Andy must be out of surgery any minute now. He called Traci and told her the news that there wasn't any. Tracy had no intention of sleeping before she knew Andy was stable and told him she would come and sit with him till they heard anything.

Another hour passed and Traci and Sam were in the cafeteria alone, Sam picking at a sandwich, not having an appetite and Traci was wrapped around a cup of coffee. A man in green scrubs walked straight for them, pulling a surgical hat from his head.

"Officers here with McNally?" he asked for confirmation, unsure he was with the right people as neither Sam nor Traci were in uniform.

"Yes" they said, almost in unison. "Is she through?" Traci asked, Sam not trusting himself to ask.

"The news is as good as it can be at this stage." Sam felt relief rush through him. "She's stable?" he was able to ask.

"Relatively speaking, yes she is." the surgeon confirmed "She's certainly a strong fighter, that much is clear. She took the surgery very well, all things considered. The bleeding to her brain seems to be contained and the hole we drilled has relieved the pressure considerably." Traci visibly shuddered at that information.

"The damage to her shoulder has been repaired, the bones are set and her vitals are stable. There's little else we can do for her at this stage. The next 36 hours are critical. She'll be sedated for at least that period of time to give her brain time to rest and repair itself, then we'll slowly reduce the amount of help we're giving her and see how she responds. Only then can we get a true picture of her situation. We'll know more then."

"Can we see her?" Sam asked.

"If you come with me now, I'll let you take a brief moment with her before we settle her for the night. Then I suggest you go home and get some rest. This is just the start of a very long road for Andy, with cases of brain trauma such as these she'll need her friends around her and you need to take care of yourselves as well as her" he advised them.

It really was the briefest of moments. Just enough time for Sam to see Andy looked much as she had before, he'd have to be satisfied with that for now. Traci and he both spoke to her together and wished her goodnight. For once Sam listened to reason and agreed to let Traci take him home. McNally wasn't going to wake up until at least this time tomorrow, if he wanted to be strong for her, the Doctor had been right, he had to look after himself too. In the long hours of waiting he'd decided to ask Frank if he could take some personal time. If she'd let him, he planned to dedicate himself to caring for Andy. He'd get some rest tonight, head to work in the morning, speak to Frank, try to sort the situation with Marlo out and then come back here with nothing but McNally left to fix. He was going to show her every day how much he loved her till she finally agreed to give him another chance. Deep in his gut he worried that he was too late, it had looked like she was moving on before life threw this at her. He knew he was the one that had broken them, but Andy needed to be the one to let him fix them. He just hoped she'd give him that chance.

He called Tommy from the car to let them know Andy was stable and that her Doctor had said they could sit with her first thing in the morning. He also rang Oliver to arrange that ride to pick up his truck. Less than 24 hours since he had left it at the garage and his life had just about turned on its head.

When he got home he got in the shower and then went straight to bed. He knew after his cat nap at the hospital he'd find it hard to sleep, but he had no desire to watch TV or do anything else. He just wanted to sleep so that the time would pass and he could get back to her and see her open her eyes. Finally, somewhere around 4am after a lot of tossing and turning, his mind finally gave in and he feel into an uneasy sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

**Here goes with another update. THANK YOU so much for the reviews, they genuinely mean a lot. I just wanted to say that some people asked for more angst, and other people are worried about the McCollins angle.. keep reading as that will all come, but McSwarek should be end game! :)**

**I also wanted to add that I found this chapter and the next really hard to write as I know what I want to happen next, but needed to get from here to there and tie up some lose ends on the way.. but I felt these chapters don't flow as well as the others... just keep with me if you're enjoying! Reviews still welcome.. Thank You!**

Sam was pulled from a dark dream by his phone ringing from the cabinet beside the bed.

He was hot and clammy, confused by what was real and what had been the dream, Andy now consuming both his awake and sleeping mind.

He grabbed the phone, just time to see it was Luke before he answered.

"It's looking like this Trent guy is our man. Dov and I saw him playing pool last night and we followed him back to an apartment complex around the corner from the Dakota cover house. We ran a check on the apartment building, theres a car registered in the name of Trent Parker at Apartment 2b. Im just checking into more details right now but I've got a vibe this is gonna turn big. You coming to work?"

Throwing the last dregs of sleep from his mind Sam answered

"Yup. Oliver's swinging by to get me, Im getting my truck then heading to the barn. I need to talk to Frank, but nailing this piece of scum comes first. I'll see you at parade."

He went to the kitchen and set the coffee machine on, phoning the hospital while he did so. Having asked reception to page Monica, eventually she came on the line.

"Things are as good as they can be Sam" she said straight away, no need to tell her why he was calling, "She's had a peaceful night, her vitals are good. She's far from out of the woods, but she's stable. It's just down to her to pull through this now, we've done as much as we can. Her ICU nurse told me the game plan now is to keep her sedated for at least another 12 hours and then slowly decrease the help we're giving her this evening to see how she responds."

Sam felt a slight smile cross his face, his girl was fighting, she was still here with him. Another couple of hours and he'd be back at the hospital by her side to see for himself.

He hurried through his morning routine knowing Oliver would be there any minute.

Frank stood at the front of parade.

"I'll keep this short. As you all know by now, Officers Epstein and McNally attended a warehouse at dockside yesterday as part of a routine enquiry. In what now seems to be a random and unrelated issue, shots were fired and Officer McNally took a direct hit. I spoke to the hospital this morning and she's come through surgery and her current situation is classed as critical, but stable. We all know what a fighter McNally is and I have every faith she'll pull through this, but here at 15th we are family. And families come together in times of crisis, this is no different. She'll need our thoughts and our prayers and I need each and every one of you to bring your A game today, focus on the job. Business as usual. Investigations have been ongoing through the night and as of right now I can tell you we've got a suspect. For that I'll hand over to Detective Callahan."

Luke stepped forward.

He slapped a picture on the white board. "This is Trent Parker. 28. Has prior for burglary and assault with a weapon."

He slapped another picture up on the board, "This is Emily Myers, 24, also has prior for solicitation but she seems to have cleaned up her act in recent years and has been working as a bar girl."

"This pair," he swept his hand towards both photos, formed what could be referred to as an unhealthy relationship and have been living here," he pointed to a map "For the past 6 months. Here" he pointed a couple of block over on the map, "is the cover house used for Project Dakota where Officers McNally and Collins lived while posing as a couple"

Sam narrowed his eyes at this, the thought of that still making him uncomfortable. Collins slid a little lower in his chair, almost as if he could feel Sam's eyes on him.

"McNally and Myers formed a friendship of sorts. Officer Epstein witnessed McNally's shooting and ID'd a man matching Parker's description leaving the scene. Officer Collins confirmed the connection between McNally, Myers and Parker. We know McNally believed Emily Myers to have vanished. Now here's what we got. This morning we've tracked down a missing persons report for Myers, made by her Mother over in Vancouver. Myers failed to make her weekly phone call back home to Mom some 6 weeks ago, Mom can't get hold of her, she rings their apartment and Parker says she's left him. Mrs Myers hasn't heard from her daughter since and finally reported her missing 3 weeks ago. Next, we now also have forensics back from the bullet retrieved from McNally's case"

Again Sam shuddered, thinking just where the bullet was recovered from.

"The bullet matches those found in 2 other cases over the past 5 years. In both cases, a Male was found, shot dead in their home. Their wives have never been seen again, no bodies found in either case. The final piece of the puzzle came in just a few minutes ago, the traffic guys towed a car this morning blocking a bus stop 3 blocks over from the site of yesterdays shooting, the registered owner of the vehicle is none other than our new friend, Trent Parker. This confirms him as being in the vicinity of yesterdays events. That ties up enough to get us a warrant. Trent Parker is now wanted for the shooting and attempted murder of Andy McNally, wanted in connection with the disappearance of Emily Myers, wanted for the suspected murder of 2 males and the suspected abduction and probable murder of 2 further women.

Overnight Parker's apartment has been under surveillance and we believe he's still in the building right now. Swarek, Shaw, Epstein, Cruz, Peck you're with me on this. We leave now, the rest of you wait for your assignments."

Sam felt adrenaline cursing through his veins. He didn't remember the drive to the suspects location, everything passing in a blur. Marlo had chosen to ride with him but barely a word passed between them. All that was in Sam's mind was justice for Andy. He remembered Collins words of the night before at the hospital, about how Andy felt there was something 'off' about this guy. He smiled inwardly to himself. There was his McNally right there, always going with her instincts. Pride filled him as he thought about how not only did she follow her gut that something was wrong with her new friend Emily just disappearing, but even before that, she'd had a bad feeling about him. Well, faced with the building evidence that he was the main suspect in a whole pack of murders, she was very clearly right.

He shook his head slightly, Andy wore her heart on her sleeve though and that's what landed her in this danger. She'd just gone after Parker as soon as she saw him yesterday, act first and think later. If only she'd radio'd for backup and waited. But that was McNally through and through.

They silenced their sirens 4 blocks away from the apartment complex. Pulling up down the street, Sam got out of his cruiser and approached Callahan's black SUV.

"I'm going in on this, right?"

Luke looked doubtful, "You got it together? Can you keep yourself under control?"

"Don't even think about trying to stop me from being the one to bring this guy in Detective," Sam stared into the vehicle at him. Callahan knew that if there was one thing Sam was, it was a professional. In all the time they'd worked together, Luke had never once seem Sam slip up, the only blemish on his otherwise faultless career sheet being his dalliance with Andy while undercover. Luke hoped this wasn't going to be another time that an Andy situation would lead to a mistake. But he also knew better than to try to convince Sam to only keep back up out here.

"Fine. You approach from the right, I'll take the left. Cruz will back you up, I'll take Shaw with me." He went over to the car where Gail and Dov sat, "You guys stay at the back of the building and watch the rear". He spoke into his radio to the surveillance team, telling them of the plan and instructing them to watch the front of the building.

"Remember this guy is likely armed and dangerous, he's shot one officer to get away, he won't think of doing it again. Everyone watch their backs, we want a clean arrest and we want a suspect in custody. On my count.."

By the time Sam and Marlo were outside 2b, Luke was at the end of the corridor coming up the other way, Shaw behind him. They joined Sam at the door and Callahan signaled to Sam to move in. Sam took all the aggression he'd built up in the past 24 hours and kicked the door, it flew open. He aimed his gun through the door and saw the living room empty.

He and Luke ran through the doorway, Luke took a door to the left while Sam approached a door to his right.

Sam threw open the door and raised his gun. He was confronted by the sight of Trent Parker sitting up in bed, bare chested as if he'd been sleeping, but pointing a gun right at him. Sam felt like everything was going in slow motion. He instinctively ducked to his side as the gun fired. He saw the gun flash 3 times as Parker fired wildly. With his free arm he pushed behind him, throwing Marlo onto the floor below the line of fire. At the same instant he fired his own gun with precision aim, hitting Parker's arm just below the elbow, the shot knocking his gun clean from his hand, Parker at once clutching at his wounded arm.

Sam jumped up on the bed and pushed Parker's head into the pillows, pinning his uninjured arm behind his back. Luke was right behind him at this point, yelling shots fired, calling into his radio for medics, but also confirming the suspect was in custody.

"Stand down Detective Swarek. Now. Surrender your gun to me, and go and wait in your car, you know the routine." Luke said, all business. "Internal Affairs will need in on this as you fired your weapon." Then more quietly under his breath, "Good job Sam, that was a hell of a shot. We got him."

Sam took one last look at the piece of scum on the bed in front of him. Trent Parker was curled on his side now, clutching at his arm, moaning softly to himself. Bending down he leaned right into Trent's face while he slowly trod on the outstretched hand of his injured arm, causing Parker to scream louder.

"That bullet in your arm is for the woman I love" he whispered.

He turned to leave, only then noticing Marlo quietly stood by the door. Not wanting to meet her eyes, he looked down at the floor as he walked past her.

Too many hours later, he was good to go. He'd given his statement to both Luke and internal affairs as was procedure in cases like this.

As he was off active duty till the case was reviewed now, Frank had agreed with him that personal time was what he needed.

He showered, changed and headed out to his truck, ready to face the next thing on his agenda.

He didn't have to look far as there was Marlo leaning against the hood of his trunk, waiting for him. He paused, taking a deep breath, knowing what he had to do. He approached her,

"Marlo, I'm sorry,"

She interrupted him. "Can I get in?"

He hung his head briefly, then looked her in in the eye at last.

"I'm not going to The Penny, I'm not going home, I'm going to the hospital, I don't think there's much left to say.."

She interrupted him again before he could continue

"You don't get to do this to me Sam. You don't get to just walk away and leave me here outside the station. And we're not talking about this here. I want to get in, I want my dignity and my pride intact. I get to have my say, in private. The least you owe me is a lift home."

He knew she had a point, he owed her that so he shrugged and unlocked the door.

The next 15 minutes weren't the most comfortable of Swarek's life, but Marlo had been right about having dignity. She'd not cried at all.

She made it clear to Sam that he wasn't getting the chance to end it, that she was better than that, she was the one doing the ending.

She raised her voice while telling him how how betrayed she felt, when the longer she spent at 15th the more she realized how all her colleagues knew Sam was still in love with Andy. How everyone must think that she was an idiot for not seeing it herself.

She told him how she was sick of everyone looking at her like she was a manipulative bitch who cared nothing for how Andy must feel seeing them together. How everyone thought she was only out for getting her man.

The part that hurt him the most, because he suspected it was true, was when she told him that he was the reason she'd never been accepted into 15th and how she'd failed to make any friendships at work because of the perception of her based on her relationship with Sam.

He'd not even tried to defend himself, knowing she was right. When he pulled up outside her house they'd sat for a moment, him still wanting to let her have her moment, not feeling able to hurry her out of the vehicle.

"Did we ever really know each other at all Sam?" she asked him

He searched his mind for a moment, trying to think of one really tangible fact about her that he could give as proof of the time they'd spent together. He realized she was right.

"I guess not. You never did tell me much about yourself' he said, staring down at the steering wheel

"Neither did you Detective, neither did you" Marlo sighed "I always felt like there was nothing you could give me that Andy didn't own. She's not just got your heart Sam. She's got every single part of you. I never stood a chance. I'm not the kind of girl who loses Sam, so I'm not losing, I'm just giving up. It's over. Oh and thanks for saving my life back there this morning. You really are one hell of a shot"

And with that she got out of the truck and walked into the house without looking back.

Sam started the truck and turned for the hospital. He had nothing in his world now apart from Andy. He'd wiped his slate clean ready to start again, he only hoped that Andy would wake up and be able to start again with him.


	7. Chapter 7

Sam stood outside Andy's room and peered through the window. Tommy was sat alone by the bed. Sam's heart skipped a beat at the sight of her. He was struck by how vulnerable she looked with her head covered in bandages, hardly any hair visible above, her skin almost the same color white as the sheet she lay on.

He could see her face clearly as her breathing tubes had been removed, that was the only thing that made her look in anyway stronger than she had when he'd seen her last.

She must have had a steady stream of visitors through the day, if the mountain of cards on the side was anything to go by. He smiled as he thought how popular she always was. Tommy must have heard something outside the door as he looked up and saw Sam. He bent over the bed and kissed his daughter on the forehead before leaving the room.

"Hey Swarek" the retired cop greeted him.

"Hi Mr McNally. How is she?"

"We don't know yet" Tommy looked tired and worried "The Docs took her breathing tube out this afternoon and she's breathing alone, so that's a good sign they tell me. They've started to lower the amount of sedatives she's being given, by the morning they'll be gone from her system and she could start to wake up, but we don't know. She's come through everything so far so strong, but the hard work really starts now."

"Do you want to grab a coffee?" was the only thing Sam could think of saying.

"Claire has gone to get some of Andy's things" Tommy explained "She won't be back for a half hour at least yet, so we can get coffee" he agreed.

Sam took a last look at Andy through the window, his heart clenching again at the sight of her so helpless and followed Tommy down the corridor.

Down in the cafeteria, Tommy and Sam talked of nothing but Andy. Both men taking pleasure in hearing the other one share memories of the girl they both adored. Each knew how the other felt, but both being the type of men they were, they didn't really share their feelings. When the conversation fell quiet, Sam took a moment to get something off his chest

"I'm sorry Tommy. I'm sorry Andy got hurt."

"Do you mean by that son of a bitch that shot her or do you mean by you?"

Sam stared, taken aback by the bluntness of the reply. He rubbed his chin, not knowing what to say.

"I was referring to yesterday. I wish I'd been there, I wish I could have stopped her. But you're right, I hurt her too and you've no idea how sorry I am for that"

"I'm an old man Sam," Tommy said "and I'm a retired cop. And I'm Andy's Father. I raised that girl. I raised her to be a cop, and a damn good one at that. You know as well as I do that there is nothing that either of us can change about her. She's got heart. She follows her gut. None of us can change what happened yesterday, none of us could have stopped her. You know the only thing that got me through last night?"

Sam shook his head

"I knew that if the worst happened, if I lost my little girl, the only thing that could make that even a tiny bit alright was that it happened doing something she loved. It happened because of who she was, who she is. A part of me could live with that. Its the only way I can make sense of what happened, so don't go apologizing for that."

A long silence filled the air between them

"As for you breaking her heart, well that's something I can't find answers for."

Sam glared down at the table, feelings almost overwhelming him.

"We hurt the ones we love the most though Sam, isn't that how the saying goes? I've never doubted how you felt about Andy from that first time I saw you together when you first started dating. I'd seen Sam Swarek, the ladies man, from the time you were a rookie. But there was something different about you around Andy. Why else do you think I never took you to one side and warned you to stay away from my daughter? You fit. You fit together then and I'm sure as hell you'd still fit together now if the pair of you stop being so damned stupid. Let something good come of all this. I pray Andy wakes up tomorrow, and we can all be there for her to get through this. That you and she get the happy ending any man wants for his daughter."

Silence fell over the table, Sam not knowing what to say to that.

Tommy cleared his throat. "That young Rookie came and visited her today, Collins is it?"

Sam almost growled "Yup, Nick Collins. He was her undercover partner on that operation. They got close." Tommy was still looking at Sam wisely, so Sam continued "I don't know how close though. I messed up Tommy, You know that. I made a mistake pushing Andy away. I broke her heart. If I could change that I would, believe me I would. I tried to let Andy know that I would do anything to make it up to her. But I left it too late and while she was undercover I figured the best thing to do was to move on. For Andy's sake more than mine even. I thought that would be the best way to get our friendship back. But these past few weeks since she's been back, I don't know. I guess I was wrong again. Friendship or more, it seems she has everything with him now. I just wanted time to fix it and then this.." Sam couldn't carry on, overwhelmed by how much he'd said just as much as how much he was feeling.

Tommy looked into the distance and said "Life is a funny thing. The older you get the more you realize the mistakes you've made. Don't make the same mistakes I did Sam. You know how Andy's Mom left? Nothing forgives her leaving Andy, nothing. I'm not saying that it does. But people have their reasons for everything Sam, we're all only human. Since Claire came back into Andy's life I've been looking at my own part in it. Back when I was on the job, I took the worst of my job home and left the best of me behind. I didn't get home and share my day with Claire, I just took my mood out on my wife. I couldn't open up. I might have taken off my uniform in the locker room, but I never really took it off. And I lost my wife because of it. And I made Andy's childhood worse because of it. You think you've broken something between you and Andy? You want back what she has with this other guy, whatever that is? Then you got to fight for it Sam. Your foundation with Andy is strong. So many of us can see that. You've just got to pour some cement back into those cracks. Be the man she needs you to be Sam, that Nick guy won't stand a chance."

Tommy stood up as he saw Claire coming towards them, Sam stood up too and was surprised when Mrs McNally gave him a hug. He always got the impression that Andy's Mom had never been his strongest supporter, even before he broke her daughters heart. Oliver had told him about the steady stream of 'Get That Man Out Of Your Life' advice books Andy had gotten from her Mother.

Mind you, the feeling had been mutual, at least to start with. But Sam acknowledged that Andy had benefited from having her Mom's presence in her life again and he knew that she'd need her even more during her recovery. Maybe this really was a chance for everyone to start from fresh again.

Sam walked them out to their car, eager now just to be with Andy. It was over 18 hours since he'd spent those precious brief seconds with her after her surgery and every minute now seemed a minute too long.

As Tommy got into the car, he turned to Sam

"Son, will you do me a favor?"

"What?"

"Stay with her tonight? I don't want to think of her being alone. If she starts to wake up, she should be with someone she trusts. I don't want her to have even a second alone till we know she's alright."

Sam gave his first full smile in days, "Sir, I won't leave her side till you're here tomorrow. I'd not have it any other way. I'll be right there with her every minute." Somehow, knowing he had Tommy's blessing to be part of Andy's recovery gave him some hope that he very much needed.

Back upstairs at last, Sam crept into Andy's room. He took off his jacket and hung it on the back of the chair. He pulled the chair as close to the bed as he could and took her hand as he sat down. He focused on the heart monitor on the other side of the bed, enjoying the security it gave him of knowing she was there and that she was fighting.

As the minutes turned into hours and the world outside the hospital room got quiet, he felt himself getting sleepier. He gently lay down right of the edge of the bed and snuggled his face into Andy's shoulder. Careful not to put any of his weight onto her, not knowing where he could touch for fear of hurting her, he kept hold of Andy's hand while gently placing her arm in front of him. He curled his other arm up over her head, gently caressing her check with his thumb. A sense of peace descended on him, this is the one place in the world he was meant to be right now. Tomorrow would bring what it would but he was here with Andy next to him for the first time in far, far too long. Just as he started to fall asleep, he got the impression she was snuggling back against him and he sighed in contentment, drifting asleep before his brain could wonder if he was imagining it. His dreams that night were anything but dark.


	8. Chapter 8

Sam woke up as the hospital came to life and the sounds of the daily routines of ICU started up outside. He had turned over at some point during the night and was lying facing the wall. A little achey, he stretched his back out as he carefully rolled to face Andy, getting the shock of his life when he found himself looking into the deep pools of Andy's dark eyes. She was awake.

He knew he needed to go and find someone and tell them their patient had regained consciousness, but he also didn't want to jump up and scare Andy, well aware of how fragile she still was and not knowing what she'd remember.

"Hi" he said softly.

"Sam?" Her voice was scratchy from the long time asleep and all the medical intervention. There was a definite tone of question in her voice but his heart soared as she said his name.

"It's ok McNally. Everything's ok. You're ok." he whispered, surprised that she suddenly reached out and gripped his hand, tears starting to flow down her cheeks.

"What happened? Where am I?"

He pondered briefly what to say, unsure of how much should be said.

"You're in the hospital, but you're ok. And I'm here. You're not alone. Everything's going to be ok."

Sam actually felt at a loss of what else to say, but he and Andy had always been good at hearing each other without words and he knew the fear and concern he felt for her would be all over his face.

Andy seemed to be on the same page, saying nothing else either. She just stared at Sam, as if drinking in his features to fill any gaps in her mind.

Sam reached over to her and wiped the tears away from under her eyes, running his fingers over her cheek bones and face, enjoying the warmth he felt under her skin, before holding her chin and gently turning her face so he could look into her eyes.

Andy moved as if to get closer to him, but leaned on her shoulder in the process and gasped out in pain, the color in her cheeks draining in an instant.

Sam jumped off the bed, guilty about spending precious moments with her instead of getting her the help she needed.

Andy lay on the bed almost curled up and he saw her eyes clenched against the pain. He opened the door and strode out into the corridor, looking left and right unsure of the best place to find help.

A nurse was just coming out of a room down the hall, Sam dashed over to her and breathlessly explained that Andy was awake. She politely but firmly pointed him to the waiting area down the hall, saying he couldn't be present while they did various checks but that she would come and find him as soon as Andy was settled again and ready for visitors.

Sitting on the very edge of his chair, he pulled his phone from his pocket and called Tommy and then Traci, unable to keep the excitement and hope from his voice. With Traci in particular he felt himself able to let a little emotion out, repeating over and over "She recognized me, she spoke to me." He suddenly felt overwhelmed by everything that had happened over the past 2 days and he screwed his eyes shut, pinching his nose to try to stem the tears he suddenly felt there. Sam hadn't cried since he was 8 years old and he really didn't want to start again now. He ended the call to Traci, her letting him know she was dropping Leo at school and then she'd be right there in case Andy needed her.

Finding himself waiting yet again and hating the way it made time slow down so much, he headed out into the main corridor, found the washrooms and went to freshen up.

Having put pretty much his whole head under the tap in a bid to clear his mind, he shook the water from his hair and stared at his reflection in the mirror.

He mentally rehearsed everything he'd wanted to say to her since the moment he'd heard she was hurt. He hoped his words would be enough to convince her of the truth in them but it was how to start the conversation that was the hardest part.

Still staring at himself, "Hi McNally" he said. He shrugged and smiled, it would have to do.

By the time he'd got yet enough cup of coffee and went back to the small waiting room it wasn't very long till the door opened and a man he recognized as one of Andy's surgeons walked in.

"That's a remarkable girl in there," was the first thing he said, continuing "I had anticipated a much slower return to consciousness, possibly some complications, confusion. But she's in incredible shape for someone in her position. She's alert but a little confused about the events that led to her being here, that's to be expected. From what I've asked her so far, there appears to be no major memory loss but that is something only time spent with the people that know her best will determine. I don't know enough about her day to day life to be able to ascertain that. You'll need to be very gentle with her, if something doesn't quite seem right to you then highlight it to us and be careful with how you approach that with her, confusing her at this early stage wouldn't be helpful. We've given her some pain relief for her shoulder and other injuries, but she's asking for you. You can go back in whenever you're ready."

Sam didn't need to be told twice, rushing out the room almost before the Doctor had finished speaking.

"Hi McNally" Sam smiled wide at the sight of Andy now sitting up in bed.

She smiled back at him, almost a little shyly. "I'm sorry." she said. Sam was stunned, "Sorry? What have you got to be sorry for?"

"For scaring you, for scaring everyone, for being impulsive and not being safe. For following my instincts without thinking. It was stupid."

Sam literally couldn't wipe the smile off of his face. "Yes, you're stupid. Yes I've been scared, out of my mind in fact. And yes you took a risk. But you're a great cop McNally. That guy you saw? You were so right about him. He was bad news and you felt that in your gut."

"Did they find Emily?"

Sam was surprised by that, the Doctor hadn't been joking, she really did appear to remember everything. Sam also wasn't quite sure what to tell her, not wanting to upset her just yet.

"Uh, no, I don't think they did, but he's in interview right now. Callahan is working the case, if she's out there, he'll find her."

He sat down in a chair by the bed, but Andy had other ideas. With the arm that wasn't strapped to her chest, she reached over and pulled the edge of his t-shirt, pulling him closer to her. "Sit here." she said, pointing next to her on the bed.

Sam sat on the bed, restless and eager to tell her how sorry HE was, how this had made him see passed the wall he'd put up, how she was everything to him and how Marlo was now very much in the past. Before he even opened his mouth to speak, Andy did something to take his breath away.

She was just inches away from him, the Andy McNally smell that he adored so much drifting through his nostrils, even if it was mixed with the smell of hospitals and antiseptic. His heart started pounding in his chest. Andy stared right into his eyes, a look of almost wonder on her face. He'd not seen that look in months and yet his brain knew what it usually preceded and he didn't dare move.

Andy leaned forward, and there it was.. her nose gently rubbing against his as she turned her head just a fraction. A heartbeat later, her lips were on his. Unsure at first, his lips soon found a rhythm of their own and they parted, gently sucking Andy's lower lip between them. The kiss went on for what felt like an eternity, both of them finding strength in drinking from the other. Sam's brain struggled to keep up. Even in his wildest hopes of wanting Andy back, never did he think it would be this sweet, or this simple. It was as if the last 8 months hadn't happened, as if nothing mattered other than this moment.

After several intense minutes, Andy finally broke away, but kept eye contact with him, smiling. Leaning back in her pillows she grinned 'Wow Swarek, you've worn me out!"

Sam felt reality creeping back into his bubble again. They still had so much they needed to iron out.

"We need to talk," he started. But Andy shook her head.

"Nope, I don't want to talk. I want to shut my eyes. I want to feel you here and as soon as they say I can go, I want you to take me home and hold me all night while I'm sleeping. I want to feel safe again Sam. Just hold me?"

Who was Sam to argue with her. 'Huh,' he thought.'Maybe we don't need to talk at all.' Whatever, he didn't care. All he knew was that Andy wanted him with her, she wanted him to take her home, she wanted him. And he felt like the luckiest man alive. He carefully settled back onto the bed, letting Andy cuddle up to him, he gently wrapped his arm around her damaged one as she rested her head against his chest and shut her eyes.

He lost track of time, but what felt like minutes later although it was more likely an hour, the door opened and Traci stepped in. She seemed surprised at seeing her friends in such a close position, but the smile across her face showed Sam she was delighted.

Sam wanted to give the best friends some time together, Traci having been as worried about Andy as he was.

He carefully explained to Andy that he should go home and change, and that he'd promised Tommy he'd go and collect him to bring him to visit. She'd be fine with Traci, she wouldn't be alone and he promised to hurry.

Feeling as if he was floating on the top of the world, he dashed off to his truck.

Less than an hour later, he was back, this time with Tommy. Tommy literally couldn't wait to see his daughter so Sam let him rush on ahead, smiling to himself about the spring in the old mans step which he knew was mirrored in his own. Rounding the corner, he saw Traci coming towards him, the look on her face instantly telling him something wasn't right.

"What's wrong? Has she deteriorated?" he said in a panic

Traci shook her head

"No no, she's fine. She's great in fact. But there's a problem. When I'd been sitting with her a while, she suddenly asked me how Jerry was."

Sam let this sink in for a moment, confused. Traci continued.

"She doesn't remember Sam. There's a whole part of the past few months Andy doesn't remember. She knows what the date is, she knows what month it is, but she doesn't remember that Jerry died. She remembers being undercover but she can't remember why she wanted to go. Sam," she paused, putting a hand on his arm, "She doesn't know that you broke up with her."


	9. Chapter 9

In the immediate seconds that followed, Sam's mind splintered down a hundred different paths. Later, he was almost ashamed to admit that the first thought that flew into his mind was how he was somehow off the hook, that Andy didn't know how he'd broken them, how she wouldn't have to know. His heart wanted to just carry on as if nothing had changed since that mornings amazing wake up.

That was followed all too quickly by the stark realization that of course she'd have to be reminded. Not only was not telling her basically dishonest, but was he really going to spend the rest of his days fearful that at any moment any one of their friends or the most distant of acquaintances would let her know the truth behind them, or that she herself would wake up one morning remembering the past and knowing that they were built on a foundation of lies?

If Sam knew only one thing it was that this was it for him, McNally was all he wanted and his determination to fix them was all that was keeping him going. He was prepared to fight for what he wanted but he wanted it to be right. As convenient as it might be, he wasn't about to let them start again like this. Andy needed to know all the facts surrounding them before they could rebuild anything.

No sooner had his brain caught up to all of that, his heart fell to the floor and a deep ache settled in its place as he realized that from Andy's perspective, he was going to have to break her heart all over again. It had nearly destroyed him to do it the first time round, but at least then he'd had the misguided conviction that he was doing it for the right reasons. That and the pain he was in over losing Jerry, the fog he found himself in, had at the time dulled his senses somewhat to the additional pain of missing McNally. It was only later as the clouds lifted that the horrible understanding of just what he'd pushed away had really started to hurt him more than anything he'd known before.

Quite how he was going to be able to explain what he'd done and why, when it no longer made even the slightest bit of sense to him, he had no idea. With his lips still almost feeling Andy's warmth on them from just a couple of hours ago, everything he stood to lose weighed down on his shoulders.

Traci quietly explained how she'd spoken with Andy's care team and they were gently explaining to her about there being gaps in her memory and things that her mind had lost. They were preparing her for hearing what her friends had to tell her. Traci had been told that the best way forward was to be honest and factual, to let Andy ask whatever questions she needed to and to give her as much information as she wanted, but to go at her pace and not to overload her too soon. Talking things through would help to tie up the missing parts of her memory and may well bring things back in their own time too. Everything needed to be done on Andy's terms.

Between them, they agreed that as soon as Tommy had visited, Traci would be the one to tell Andy about Jerry's death. Sam was prepared to tell Andy everything, wanting to spare Traci any pain of her own over something he knew she still found hard to talk about, but Traci was insistent it was her part of the story to tell. Once Andy knew that part of their recent shared history, it was time for him to face her with his own truths.

An hour or so later, Traci came out of Andy's room, her hands balled by her sides, one clenching a tissue. Her eyes were a little red ringed and the signs of tears were all too clear in the slight smudges of mascara around them. She walked over to Sam and pulled him into a rare hug, him rubbing his hands over her back in a soothing motion.

"How did she take it?" he asked

"I think on some level she did actually know" Traci replied, "I felt more like I was reminding her of something than breaking news to her. It looked like she was afraid of what I was going to say as she knew it was bad, that the happy place she woke up in this morning she knew wasn't real. I don't know. But you know Andy, she's feels so much. It was nice actually, when Jerry first died I didn't want to talk about him with anyone, not even my best friend. Then she went undercover and since she's been back we've not talked about him. I think she felt bad leaving me like that so didn't want to bring it up. That's what I sensed from her. But today that was all stripped away and we talked it through together. I didn't know how much I need to grieve with her till just now."

A lump formed in Sam's throat at that. How he wished he'd grieved with Andy too, but he'd pushed her away.

"So I'm up next huh?" he tried to make light of the situation, terrified of losing her again before he'd really even got her back.

"I told her you'd be right in. Just be honest with her Sammy, tell her how you felt, what happened, how you feel now, it's all you can do." She patted him on the arm and headed down the hall.

Sam looked at McNallys door, took a deep breath, squared his shoulders and steeled himself for what he needed to do.

Andy was curled up on her side, head on the pillow, strapped arm up at her side. Her eyes too were swimming in tears and for some reason Sam's mind flew back to the last time he'd seen her like that. The day she was holding the grenade, that was the last time he'd seen her cry. The day he'd told her he loved her. The day she'd gone before they had a chance to truly talk and straighten this tangled mess out. So much they were both running away from then.

The minute he walked over to the bed she flung her arms around his neck and started sobbing into his shirt. He let her cry as long as she needed to, wishing he could spare her all this a second time. Minutes passed and her sobs slowed to big gulps of air and he reached down and held her chin, turning her face up so he could look in her eyes.

"Hey" he said softly and then "I love you." Those words came so easily to him now, he genuinely couldn't remember how or why they were so hard before. Something in him had shifted in the past couple of days. The fear of losing Andy had torn down the walls he hid behind and everything was so crystal clear to him at last that for the first time ever he felt no need to hold back.

Andy's eyes grew wide as she stared at him, the surprise at hearing the words showing all over her face.

"I uh, I said that once before. But I know you don't remember." he said. He stood up from the bed now, feeling unable to sit and hold her with what he had to say.

"I need to tell you something. After Jerry died, I was lost Andy. I was so angry at myself for not being able to save him. I felt out of control. I fix things. It's what I do. I take situations and I make them right. And this was a situation I couldn't fix. Not for Jerry, not for Traci. Not even for you. I couldn't make it right. And I couldn't handle it. Did Traci tell you how Jerry died?"

Andy nodded, just staring at him.

"I i couldn't handle you getting hurt Andy. Something in me snapped. Then Jerry died and everything in my mind unraveled. I thought that if I let you go, I could go back to just being me. Not needing anyone. Not caring about anyone. I thought I'd be able to go back to just being Sam Swarek the copper, Sam Swarek the fix everything guy."

He looked back over at Andy, his heart flinching as he saw silent tears running down her cheeks.

"I, I pushed you away" he just needed to finish this now, to get to his point.

"If I could take that night back I would Andy. Believe me I would. I was wrong. So wrong. I let you go, and that didn't fix anything. I missed you so much."

"No" Andy whispered

"I wanted to make it up to you. I love you" he said it again "I told you that and I asked for another chance. I begged you."

"What happened?" she said, barely audible, tears still flowing

"You left. He looked at the floor. "I suggested a drink, that we talk, but you didn't show up. Then I heard you'd gone undercover."

"We've been apart for months?" Andy sounded seriously confused and disbelieving now.

Sam ran a hand through his hair and at last moved his eyes from the floor to look right at her.

"Uh, 8 months."

"But I've been back from being undercover for weeks haven't I?" she sounded unsure.

"Yes, but I"

"And we've not talked about what happened to us or tried to fix this?" Andy's voice was rising now.

Sam started to panic, sensing that the last thing he was doing at this moment was fixing anything

"Andy, look, you'd left, you'd gone, I couldn't face how I felt, I was trying to move on, I" he felt the words starting to run out.

"You'd moved on? What does that mean?!" she was definitely shouting now.

Sam just looked at her, not feeling able to hurt her anymore, not knowing what to say next.

"But this morning. I kissed you. You let me kiss you. You kissed me back." she continued

"I didn't know you didn't remember Andy. I thought you'd woken up and we'd a chance at a fresh start. Hearing you'd been shot, hearing you were hurt, thinking I might lose you, it made me realize I can't control everything all the time Andy. Life is meant to be out of control. I can't control my love for you and I was stupid to even try. I want you back and I thought that's what you wanted too when you kissed me."

He walked back over to the bed, wanting to feel her against him again, but as he reached for her hand she pulled it away from him.

"Just go Sam"

"Andy, Please, let me.."

She cut him off "No Sam. Go. I don't know what to think anymore. I don't know what's real and what isn't. I'm scared. When I opened my eyes earlier I didn't know where I was and then I saw you and I knew that wherever I was, it was home as you were there. I felt safe because you were there. Now you're telling me that it was a lie. I don't know what's real anymore. I'm scared and the only person I want to make it better is you. But you can't. Not now."

"I can." he said "This is real. Me being here now, telling you I can't be without you. That's real. Me being honest about what a mess I've made of things. That's real. You can trust me Andy. Please."

"No." she said. "Not till I know what I feel. If I don't remember us not being together, then how do I remember what I feel? I don't know what I want Sam. Nothing makes sense now. Just go, please. I need time to try to work my brain out."

Sam didn't know what to do. Leaving her like that was the last thing in the world he wanted to do, but he knew how stubborn McNally was. And he knew from past experience that sometimes the best thing to do was to let her work things out in her own time. He suddenly thought back to when they'd started, he remembered the months of longing for her and knowing he couldn't have her. He remembered his utter disbelief when she'd come back to the Alpine Inn. She'd come to him. Always the planner, always the thinker, it had taken months but she'd thought things through and chosen to be with him.

That was all he had left to cling to right now, he'd told her how he felt, the only thing he could do right now was give Andy the space she was asking for, to let her brain do it's thing.

"I'm sorry." was all he could say. And he left the room hoping she could tell he was leaving his heart right there with her.


End file.
